Mom-Shaming

Mom-shaming. It’s one of the latest trendy ways of explaining a specific kind of adult bullying. Interestingly enough I haven’t heard the term dad-shaming yet, not that it doesn’t exist because we all know that’s a whole big issue in and of itself, but let’s leave that elephant be for now. 

Back to mom-shaming for a moment. It’s no wonder we are so critical of ourselves as parents when every other parenting article is somehow related to mom-shaming, or put in a nicer way, let’s help make you a better mom rather than the tired-baggy-eyed-coffee-addicted-haven’t-showered-in-two-days parent that you currently are. On top of that, let’s add the constant scrutiny of everyone around you, even the check-out clerk at the mini-mart on the corner does a double take when you stop in to grab a bag of gummy bears with three kids in tow. EVERYONE seems to have an opinion, and too often it’s not one of support and encouragement. 

You let him eat that? 

He sleeps in your bed with you? *gasp*

Ohhh, you homeschool him? What about his social skills?

You are still breastfeeding? How old is he again?

And one of my favorites…

You need to let him cry it out.

I feel very lucky in that I have only experienced a limited amount of mom-shaming personally, but maybe that’s just because I’m not nice enough to let it slide and I will gladly have a two hour discussion with you on why l have chosen a certain parenting approach for my own family. And fortunately for me, most mom-shamers don’t want to have a conversation with logic and reason. Surprise, surprise.

Mom-shaming is actually one of the reasons I stopped going to the local mom group. I have too many dishes and laundry to do at home to waste two hours of my day being judged and listening to other women be judged. I’m hoping my experience here is the exception to the rule because I truly believe mothers benefit from a strong support system both at home and within the community.

Now what really bothers me about mom-shaming is that it happens to mothers who actually try. These are the parents who want to learn, who want advice, and who want to do better, yet these are the very same parents who are so often judged. And why? Because they aren’t parenting the same way as someone else. Judged for making perfectly healthy and safe parenting decisions, but because someone else chose a different parenting route, they somehow feel entitled to pass judgement. 

It’s truly frustrating to watch good, hard-working parents be judged on matters like how long they breastfeed or if they are homeschooling their children or what TV shows they let their kids watch. Who cares as long as the child is happy and safe?! I really don’t understand how that is anybody else’s business. 

Here’s the whammer that really gets to me. The parents who truly neglect and abuse their children somehow slide right through the cracks. I know those are uncomfortable words to many, neglect and abuse, but it’s something that hit close to home for me. I sometimes think back on my childhood and wonder where all the mom-shamers were back then? It’s not like it’s some new phenomenon – we just finally have a fancy term for it. But most people turned a blind eye to it. And sadly, most people still do today.

What all this proves to me is just how incredibly superficial all this mom-shaming truly is. It’s easy to stand on the sidelines and judge from a distance. But are you ready to stand up when it really matters? Are you willing to speak up when those uncomfortable words come into play? If not, please stop mom-shaming parents who actually try.

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8 thoughts on “Mom-Shaming

  1. Mom shaming.

    Wow. I was reading with my mouth open. I was wondering what rock I have been living under that I haven’t seen it.

    We live in the country so I’ve missed it with people face to face. I’ve also got a great support network so we never really have things like this come up.

    I have seen it a little online but most people are supportive. If I see it I will be saying something.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so glad that you haven’t experienced this yourself! That’s how it should be! We should be helping and supporting other women, not judging each other. Sadly I’m seeing mom-shaming happening more and more often and it’s so unfortunate.

      Like

  2. “Adult bullying” that is exactly what mom shaming is! I love this. I’ve seen a lot of this go on, even within families. People are always so convinced that they know everything about being a parent but there is no “right” way to parent (as long as like you said you aren’t abusing or neglecting). We need to support eachother not tear eachother down.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I totally agree that Mom shaming is a real thing, and as a mom, I don’t quite understand why it’s necessary? I’m with you – if they’re happy and safe, who cares?? That’s why there’s chocolate and vanilla. What works best for you, may not be what works best for me, and that’s OK!! We should definitely spend more time building one another up and down encouraging each other, as being a mom is already hard enough. Thanks for sharing 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Preach sister! I completely agree. As moms we are all trying to do our very best for our children. There is no right way to mother our babies, there is only the way that’s right for US, and it varies from person to person, child to child, and family to family, since we are all unique. We are in this together. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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